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Excerpts from: Some Folk Say: Stories of Life, Death, and Beyond
INTRODUCTION
Be careful then, and be gentle about death
For it is hard to die, it is difficult to go through
the door, even when it opens
- D. H. Lawrence, "All Soul's Day"
"Don't you find it depressing, researching and writing a book about death?" Variations of this question have been put to me a number of times in the past three years. My answer is always an emphatic, "Not at all!" The fact is, the further I explore the world of death stories, the more fascinated and excited I become by them, their deeper meanings, and the insights they might bring to anyone facing death, be it his own or that of a loved one. Sooner or later everyone has to deal with death.
For some children, the first experience of death and grieving comes with the death of a pet. How many dog, cat, gerbil, hamster, parakeet, and rabbit graves are there strewn across the land, I wonder? In the United States millions, in certain other parts of the world, none. In this country we often make elaborate monuments to our deceased loved ones, although we are ill prepared for their death or for the powerful feelings that emerge in its wake.
Since we live in a society devoted to materialism, it is not surprising that the only preparation most people make for their death is to draw up a will to arrange for the disposition of their material goods. For many, even those decisions seem formidable. Few spend time preparing for the spiritual transition involved in dying. Few really ask the fundamental questions: What, if anything, will happen after I die? Do I have a soul? If I do, what is to become of it when I die? How am I to approach death? How have I lived my life? Is there more than physical life?
These questions, in one form or another, may arise during a person's lifetime, but often they are pushed aside or ignored. Modern physical science cannot locate, weigh, or measure the soul, and it has no news for us about afterlife states or, indeed, about the purpose of the good life here on earth. Polls show that a large number of people do not believe in any kind of afterlife. It is no wonder, then, that they fear dying as an absolute end.
Starting in the late 60s, the subject of death and dying, banished so long from public discourse, has emerged from the shadows and become a topic of widespread interest. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross led the way with her classic, On Death and Dying, which has inspired millions and helped us understand the five stages of death. Her pioneering work brought the hospice movement to the United States thereby changing the way many people cope with the final chapter of life. Stephen Levine, in his many books such as Healing into Life and Death and Who Dies? writes about and works compassionately with the dying as well as the bereft. He and his wife, Ondrea, are tireless in their efforts to bring understanding and resolution to this population. A number of books on near-death experiences, some compiled by scientists, have become hugely popular. There are new translations of the ancient The Tibetan Book of the Dead, and now Sognol Rinpoche's The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, is prominently displayed in many bookstores. From this trend, we can guess that some people welcome evidence of life after death and hunger for information that could help them think about death in fresh ways.
The Purpose and Structure of This Book
The purpose of Some Folk Say is not so much to supply answers as to stimulate the imagination. By offering many different beliefs and practices regarding death and the afterlife, I hope the reader will want to explore the subject further rather than turn away from it in fear or denial. Consider this book as an invitation to renewed wonder, speculation, and reverie. As children, we all came endowed with these attributes; some of us need encouragement to reactivate them.
Ancient Greek: Aesop
It was a hot sultry summer afternoon, and Eros, tired with play and faint from the heat, took shelter in a cool, dark cave. It happened to be the cave of Death himself.
Eros, wanting only to rest, threw himself down carelessly - so carelessly that all his arrows fell out of his quiver.
When he awoke, he found that they had mingled with the arrows of Death, which also lay scattered about the foot of the cave. They were so alike Eros could not tell the difference. He knew, however, how many had been in his quiver and eventually he gathered up the right amount.
Of course, Eros took some that belonged to Death and left some of his own behind.
And so it is today that we often see the hearts of the old and the dying struck by bolts of Love; and sometimes we see hearts of the young captured by Death.
[Excerpt from Commentary]
Often we become stuck in the grieving process because we cannot accept the reality of the loss, especially when the person is young. As with all our experiences, not just concerning death, our minds keep searching for reasons, explanations. We crave understanding. In "The Quiver of Arrows," Aesop gives us an explanation for the death of a young person. If we can except it, perhaps the raw pain of grief can subside and we can begin to heal.
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